Huh ?

Okay,lately I've heard a number of phrases, word choices and bits of information that have left me quite stumped as to what they are trying to say. My friend A. called me on 1/24/09 to tell me that it was the most depressing day of the year-officially speaking. Who decides these things-Hallmark? I mean do you send a card that says "Sending the Very Best Wishes on the Very Worst Day"? If so, this a new low for Hallmark (right after the Hallmark movie channel). Did they figure that people were most depressed this day because more people commited themselves to institutions or ran to the doctor to demand a nice antidepressant. How come the next day isn't equally depressing? It's not like people cheer up over night(unless they really liked the Hallmark card you sent) and the most important question "Why the hell are we paying to discover this idiotic statistic?"Because you can bet there was a government grant large enough to feed all those Sally Struthers kids for a year wasted on it! Go figure!!!
Some things are just a little to vague in what they're trying to say. Imagine my suprise when I got an email from a discount site telling me there was a special on missile launchers that day. Let me say that the first thing I thought was ( I swear!) don't let EC and YC find out about this, although we could use it to get the damn woodpecker off our siding. Immediately after this thought I realized this could not be a real missile launcher because the boys would already have pooled their money and bought one and the cops would've been here forthwith (again). It turned out to be foam missiles but you get my point.
Other things just shouldn't be advertised all. It's weird enough they exist without calling attention to them. One such thing is fish pedicures. Fish do not have feet, so now I'm left with the realization that fish will somehow be involved in my pedicure. First I think maybe they smack my feet with mackerels.Since no one would pay for that I move on. Next I think fish oil foot rubs, but that doesn't seem like something to base a whole salon on. Then it dawns on me! you put your feet into an aquarium and the fish scavenge the dead skin off! Hello PETA? I hope the fish are hearty. It would be just a tad embarrassing to stick your feet in and have the fish all go belly up! Do you have to pay for fish damages? What if the fish aren't hungry? Do you get your money back? How often do they change water, I mean fish do poop you know? What's really bad is that they have banner that says "As seen on The Today Show" and other bastions of important world changing information. Does President Obama actually know how deeply troubled a nation he's actually inherited if this really is a new trend. Kind of puts the whole economic crisis stuff into perpective. People may not have jobs but they can maintain a small aquarium for personal enjoyment and maybe even do fish pedis on the side to feed their families.
There was one other thing but as usual I forgot it-When I remember it I'll let you know.
For now I'm off to the springhouse to make the goldfish earn their keep.