Huh ?

Okay,lately I've heard a number of phrases, word choices and bits of information that have left me quite stumped as to what they are trying to say. My friend A. called me on 1/24/09 to tell me that it was the most depressing day of the year-officially speaking. Who decides these things-Hallmark? I mean do you send a card that says "Sending the Very Best Wishes on the Very Worst Day"? If so, this a new low for Hallmark (right after the Hallmark movie channel). Did they figure that people were most depressed this day because more people commited themselves to institutions or ran to the doctor to demand a nice antidepressant. How come the next day isn't equally depressing? It's not like people cheer up over night(unless they really liked the Hallmark card you sent) and the most important question "Why the hell are we paying to discover this idiotic statistic?"Because you can bet there was a government grant large enough to feed all those Sally Struthers kids for a year wasted on it! Go figure!!!
Some things are just a little to vague in what they're trying to say. Imagine my suprise when I got an email from a discount site telling me there was a special on missile launchers that day. Let me say that the first thing I thought was ( I swear!) don't let EC and YC find out about this, although we could use it to get the damn woodpecker off our siding. Immediately after this thought I realized this could not be a real missile launcher because the boys would already have pooled their money and bought one and the cops would've been here forthwith (again). It turned out to be foam missiles but you get my point.
Other things just shouldn't be advertised all. It's weird enough they exist without calling attention to them. One such thing is fish pedicures. Fish do not have feet, so now I'm left with the realization that fish will somehow be involved in my pedicure. First I think maybe they smack my feet with mackerels.Since no one would pay for that I move on. Next I think fish oil foot rubs, but that doesn't seem like something to base a whole salon on. Then it dawns on me! you put your feet into an aquarium and the fish scavenge the dead skin off! Hello PETA? I hope the fish are hearty. It would be just a tad embarrassing to stick your feet in and have the fish all go belly up! Do you have to pay for fish damages? What if the fish aren't hungry? Do you get your money back? How often do they change water, I mean fish do poop you know? What's really bad is that they have banner that says "As seen on The Today Show" and other bastions of important world changing information. Does President Obama actually know how deeply troubled a nation he's actually inherited if this really is a new trend. Kind of puts the whole economic crisis stuff into perpective. People may not have jobs but they can maintain a small aquarium for personal enjoyment and maybe even do fish pedis on the side to feed their families.
There was one other thing but as usual I forgot it-When I remember it I'll let you know.
For now I'm off to the springhouse to make the goldfish earn their keep.

Odds and Ends

February 22,2009
Oops! Mark this blog FIDU-found in drafts unposted-how blonde of me. Apparently among the many things I forget on a daily basis (kid's names,pet's names,things I'm cooking on the stove) I forgot to post this. So enjoy trying to figure out which blog entry matches which update-bonne chance:

Here are some updates on some of my past rants.

Weather
As usual the local weathermen were wrong again last night. This time in our favor-We got 3" of REAL SNOW !!! Of course, even as it's coming down some idiot doing the weather report says it's tapering off and all roads are just wet and we only got a dusting. Much to EC's delight I felt compelled to do a sweet fishtail on the snow covered road just to celebrate the weathermans error. YC even got 2 hour delay from school! Don't you just love snow?!

Creature Double Feature
The dogs are better finally. Frank the cat threw up this morning but that's just one of several unsavory hobbies he enjoys. Others involve a certain stuffed dog and licking his private parts in public. The Elkhounds in the snow are a joy to behold. They are so cute when they come to door with snow all over their faces and ask to be let in. Actually, they want us to come out so we usually just end up letting the door slam in their faces. If it happens enough we may add a swear word-they don't seem to care.

The Ice Rink
We're still encountering some problems with retaining water although the current cold snap seems to be helping a bit. At least we can light it up like the Washington Monument if we want to look at it at night. EC and his friends have finally found a pond they are actually allowed to skate on so I guess the project is headed for some some alternative use like cranberry bog or really redneck baby pool. The kids want to fence it in and put a goat in it so we can watch it stand on top of it's little hut.Of course my husband suggested a wild boar as alternative. I'm reasonably sure we're not zoned for that little foray into farming!

What I Forgot a Couple Blogs Ago
The billboard on the side of the road advertising FIREWORKS!!! for personal use, celebrations and fund raising. I know I'm sick of my kid coming home from school trying get me to buy that lame wrapping paper and those useless books and magazines. Honestly-give me something I can blow body parts off with and Ill fork over the big bucks. As an aside it could cut down on classroom overcrowding.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I may have to reconsider some adult comments about a lack of respect from kids these days. I stand by my statements about teenagers-they give what they get, no question about it! But I have to complain about middle school kids on ski trips-if I ever again have to put up with the level of rudeness I saw a couple of Fridays ago I'm gonna start tying kids to ski racks and washing their mouths out with soap. A nice 2 day course on etiquette wouldn't be out of line either. And I am definately not impressed by three kids standing in front of me discussing their drug of choice for making it through the school day! This was especially amazing because one of the faves was cocaine which even if I wanted to get hooked on I couldn't afford! Leading me to assume that, since he was not old enough to get a job, he was using his Christmas and birthday money to feed his habit. Dear Grandma-thanks for the $100. I bought some sweet blow with it and it really helped me to stay awake and score a solid" C "on my Drug and Alchohol Use Test. Love Billy.

By the way in case you're wondering about my drug knowledge I got from YC's health class-they make sure the kids in Middle School know all dope on dope. That way if there's actually a kid who doesn't know anything about how drugs affect you (from the TV, yo!) they can make an informed decision about which one they might enjoy the affects of the most! I'm kidding- JUST SAY NO to drugs!
But I do worry sometimes about all this education about things kids might not know about in the first place at that age. I guess kids get exposed to stuff at younger ages than we adults ever did. It's too bad they're not innocent a little longer.

Who are you People?

I've noticed something odd whenever I click "next blog"after I read my own blog. It's just a little thing but it sort of makes me wonder. Every blog seems to be foreign. Not just another language but a whole other alphabet! If this had happened only once I probably wouldn't care, but every time? What really intrigues me is the fact that I have no idea what they are saying. What if they are saying things that of concern to National Security and I should be letting someone know?Then again, I suppose the government(or FOX TV) has someone scanning Blogspot for felons,terrorists and anyone with no talent who might decide to get their own reality show. At least I hope they do. I wonder if I should translate my blogs into Mandarin or Arabic that would certainly broaden my readership. On the flip side, I guess if foriegn bloggers hit next Blog they're getting me, which they can't read and may worry that I'm a threat to their national security-HA! The only thing this family has that's threatening is flatulence and the dogs are really the best at that! Since they don't travel,can't read and don't even know what country they are actually in(well they know it's the country wih the food bowl)I think the world is safe.

Creature Double Feature

First of all, I want you all to know we still have YC. Due to a dearth of activity on his part, unless you count Guitar Hero, Rock Band or Halo as activity, he's been under the radar. He even managed not to fall through the ice at my parent's lake over break (the same could not be said for EC.I wish I had something entertaining to share about him but that would also mean he probably was hurt in some way. That would not be good, so we'll keep him around precisely because he is low key. It gives me enough energy to deal with the wild bunch I usually write about! Be assured however, that the minute he does something blog worthy you all will know about it.

Meanwhile, my latest issue is that the dogs are sick. Of course they are not sick enough to just lay there and stay out of trouble, that would be helpful. It started with Kody. He pretty much sounds like like he's trying to hock up a chicken with the feathers still on it-no measley chicken bone hack for him. This is particularly delightful while he's on the couch next to you or under the table during dinner(he's learned it's a veritable Smorgasbord under YC and the Husband). Then big dog started. Now, they haven't lost one bit of appetite (good for hiding pills) or energy,they just sound like 4 pack a day smokers every time they move anywhere. The middle of the night sounds like a TB ward. Poor YC is afraid because big dog is 9 that he might die (he's such a sweet boy) so he checks on him constantly. He even went downstairs last night because he thought Erie was in trouble(The Husband and I were debating on which one of us would get up-it kept coming up neither!) and he was going to save him. It turned out to be little dog and he was promptly escorted to YC's bed to spend a quiet night-much to everyone's delight,especially Kody's.
It's been a couple of days since I started this post(I know, but dude I don't always live my life purely for the amusement of you people!) and the dogs are getting much better. Now they only sound like they need life support when they are excited-mostly at feeding time. This is a good thing because they don't even notice the big two-tone green pill I stick in the middle of their meal. Considering Erie's favorite all you can eat dessert buffet is the cat pans-0h, I know it's digusting it's not like I'm purposely feeding it to him-Big Dog is very sneaky- you would assume he wouldn't notice a measly pill, but you never know. Now as long as the cats don't start hacking ,because we all know that CATS + PILLS = F-U-N , things may actually return to"normal" around here.
Whatever that is!

The Rink Jinx

Okay-I didn't even get the damn posting up before we encountered a new issue. This one is not our fault.Mother Nature is not cooperating! We really had an excellent freeze going. EC and crew had used their time alone on Saturday night (we went to the movies) to buy 2 extension cords and enough spotlight wattage to brown out a power grid. It almost makes one yearn for the old days when the kids just threw a party when you went out! At any rate, they proceeded to shimmy up into the trees and place these beacons of brilliance so they would shine directly on the new rink. When we came home at 10 pm it looked like M.Night Shamalan was filming in our backyard and it was a day scene. For once no one called the cops-they probably thought it was a nuclear explosion and ran to their basements! There's so much power when those lights are on that half the the house has to be dark or the fuses will blow. We're even afraid if they leave the lights pointed at the ice too long it will start to melt! All of the above really has nothing to do with the problem except the part about melting,but you must admit it makes for clever narrative. So back to the point, it's WARM today!!! This is the sort of cheap trick Mother Nature(or global warming)keeps playing on us. Every time we get close the weather turns on us. Of course this was guaranteed because EC went out and bought a net, skates(he's trying) and an $80 hockey stick-not to mention the LIGHTS!!!! EC will now drain the water(back into the stream) in attempt to avoid flooding the hill people again if dam bursts. On the bright side, it's supposed to get cold and stay cold next week. As Popeye would say "I's believes it when I sees it". Not great wisdom but then again he married a woman named after something used to fry chicken and was skinny butt ugly to boot!

Happy New Year 2009

I've decided that I should get back to blogging in the new year. It's not like things have slowed down any in our little world. It just seemed I had too much on my plate to sit down and form a single cohesive thought-Hell , I spent months not even being able to complete a simple sentence! Okay, so I've actually spent years that way but this was the first time anyone (everyone)mentioned it. So now that Christmas is over and New Years is over and "winter"break is almost over I'm going to again begin regaling you with the inane, insane and just plain ridiculous. We've had a number of interesting doings this fall/winter in the yard. You would think that after the dirtbike debaucle I might've learned my lesson (or at least made some money renting out the yard for mud wrestling) but alas, no. When the weather got cold EC( who's on medical leave from school)announced that he had brilliant project in mind. As always I'm very wary of the impact of his ideas on both my wallet and the yard. Signifigant impact on both was no exception this time either. I know -what is it?Did I let him do it? If so ,WHY!!? Okay I give! His idea was to build an ice rink in the backyard! Yes boys and girls, a real ice rink -to play hockey on. Despite the fact that I'm the only one in the house that can skate I said "yes"-no I'm not sure why but I'm guessing that it has to do with the fact that I always wanted one as a kid. Sometimes when I was a kid the front yard flooded and then froze and I would skate on that-kinda desperate but if you have lemons....

Now this is not some kiddy pool filled with ice cubes mind you-this is a 18ft x 36ft ice rink. It involves 4 x 8's, rebar and miles of plastic liner. The slope in the yard(which was way more we thought) was enough to require an amount of wood equal to the concrete used in the Hoover Dam. After multiple trips to Depot and Lowes (try that with 4 teenage boys and no traquilizer darts) and enough cash to fund a third world country's economy for a year, we were ready! Then the trouble began. I wont bore you with the nitty gritty details but suffice it to say that once was not enough. Several different methods were employed to try and build the sides of the rink-then Dad came home and advised them to change their plan again! That was just Day 1. Evenually on December 20th we found ourselves siphoning water out our stream to fill the frame. It was very exciting!!! Especially to my husband who was thrilled that we were using FREE water! We waited impatiently for it freeze-which it did. Then we went on a short vacation.

When we came home it was empty (at least we didn't wash a small village in the foothills away in the disaster) What a disappointment. After several days work and a liner replacement the rink is again full! And almost completely frozen-one more day we hope! I will keep you up to date but at the risk of jinxing ourselves I think we have a winner!