This blog may come off a little (just maybe) cranky. Things have been challenging at our house to say the least. It would probably be easier to and less painful to have your wisdom teeth pulled out(no anesthesia) then shoved up your butt and pulled out your ear. There's a pretty picture and a great topic for a U Tube video. I gotta get me a facebook!!!
Anyway, a discussion occured at bible study small group that has been bothering me and I thought I'd let it bug you too(aren't I the generous friend). R-E-S-P-E-C-T . Not the Aretha Franklin tune,it's jammin' though, the attitude. An older woman in the group remarked that kids have no respect for others anymore. A number of other woman agreed and then the dicussion turned to the fact that some schools are teaching Respect as a course in school and how truly awesome this was because the little monsters all just need it soooo bad. Here's my problem with this (you knew I'd get to it) I do not think you teach respect-you earn respect. You can teach manners,tolerance,empathy and thoughtfulness. All these things can be exhibited even though you don't respect someone-it's called self control. But for another person to respect you you must first treat them with manners,thoughtfulness and understanding. This does not mean deciding that a kid whose pants hang off his ass (on purpose) is a disrespectful person and staring at him like he needs to get to some kind of rehab. My guess is if you looked at me the way you're looking at him I'd think about flipping the bird at you too! Of course I could just be hostile. Teachers, same thing, embarrassing a kid ,calling attention to his faults and shortcomings and yelling at him in class will not get you respect-dude, he knows you expect the worst of him and he'll give it to you everytime (unless his self control is better than mine). I spend so much time with teenagers. I ski with them, talk to them and hang with them and with rare exception no matter what they appear to be on the outside they are actually near civilized beings on the inside. If they let you know they were completely civilized you might try to get in on their fun(thus ruining it).I think they don't want you to know their secret so you'll leave them alone but they're really civilized in there-they know how to act and they're pretty much waiting for you to invite them to show you. Even those kids who have (gasp!) 2 working parents! Jeez most of us my age had 2 parents who worked and I'm old! So the next time you people(ooh I love that phrase) want to blanketly decide that kids have no respect I suggest you think about how you are treating them first . Just take a minute and see if you face says "hoodlum"and hope they're not thinking "narrow minder geezer" about you. I bet it makes a difference in how you act and they respond. Go ahead it doesn't hurt too much!
I'm sure not every one will want to take this chance, it's risky you could get dissed(see wikipedia)-thats okay-I have a bunch of fresh new voodoo dolls just waiting to have your face drawn on them.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Where are they ?
Things are missing.
Everybody loses things-you set them down and forget where you put them. Later you find them in the fridge(keys),the pantry(salad-very wilted salad) or in the couch(mostly the kids stuff & remote controls). These are not the things I'm missing.
And just for reference neither is my mind(shut up all of you!!!).
I'm talking socks and earrings. At one time or another I had 2 of each of these-dude that's why they call it a pair. Suddenly with out warning I only have one. I'm not talking about a couple freakin' pairs separated from their counterparts. I'm talking nearly every time I wear a pair of earrings the next time I go to wear them one is missing.I'm half expecting the mice we're catching under this sink to be wearing my bling when their little lives are so rudely interrupted. Years ago I even had an extra hole put in one ear just because I had tendency for this to happen(no not having mice where my jewelry). This is coming in handy I can now wear 3 completely different earrings since I have no two alike. Not the most stable mainstream fashion statement.
The socks present another problem. I know it's anal but I like to match my socks with my outfit.Go ahead and snicker-you probably only wear white socks you chickens!! I am bold and brave! Missing a sock is not the biggest problem in the winter but in summer you can see them ! I've tried wearing 2 different socks. First I matched 1 to my underwear and one to my outfit. This created an awkward moment when someone pointed out that I had on 2 different socks and wanted to know why. Men seemed to appreciate matching a sock to underwear since they can't match anything-witness black pants /brown belt, not mention assorted plaid on stripe ensembles. Maybe they were just imagining my underwear.Whatever. Women conversely, seemed amused and a little bit concerned I had gone around the bend. Also, being ever practical they wondered- why not just wear white socks? Chickens!
Of course you're thinking," They're at her other house!" Yes, I thought of that-so everytime we go up I make a mental note to look at my socks and jewelry when I get there and see if any singles there match any singles here. Sort of like match dot com for accessories.Hmm there's thought. Anyway once I get there I can't remember what is missing so I bring home anything I have only one of and discover- yippee- I still only have one of them it's just in a different house!
Perhaps the answer is to make a list before I go. However being list impaired is another of my many issues(oh like you don't have any). I would never remember to bring the list with me.
There is hope for me though. Last time we went to NY I lost an entire bag of matching jewelry!
I've decided it's easier to have none than one(this may apply to children and animals as well).
Speaking of animals ,YC says there's a dead vole in the livingroom(Thanks Frank the cat!).I'd better go see if it's wearing one of my gold hoops.
Everybody loses things-you set them down and forget where you put them. Later you find them in the fridge(keys),the pantry(salad-very wilted salad) or in the couch(mostly the kids stuff & remote controls). These are not the things I'm missing.
And just for reference neither is my mind(shut up all of you!!!).
I'm talking socks and earrings. At one time or another I had 2 of each of these-dude that's why they call it a pair. Suddenly with out warning I only have one. I'm not talking about a couple freakin' pairs separated from their counterparts. I'm talking nearly every time I wear a pair of earrings the next time I go to wear them one is missing.I'm half expecting the mice we're catching under this sink to be wearing my bling when their little lives are so rudely interrupted. Years ago I even had an extra hole put in one ear just because I had tendency for this to happen(no not having mice where my jewelry). This is coming in handy I can now wear 3 completely different earrings since I have no two alike. Not the most stable mainstream fashion statement.
The socks present another problem. I know it's anal but I like to match my socks with my outfit.Go ahead and snicker-you probably only wear white socks you chickens!! I am bold and brave! Missing a sock is not the biggest problem in the winter but in summer you can see them ! I've tried wearing 2 different socks. First I matched 1 to my underwear and one to my outfit. This created an awkward moment when someone pointed out that I had on 2 different socks and wanted to know why. Men seemed to appreciate matching a sock to underwear since they can't match anything-witness black pants /brown belt, not mention assorted plaid on stripe ensembles. Maybe they were just imagining my underwear.Whatever. Women conversely, seemed amused and a little bit concerned I had gone around the bend. Also, being ever practical they wondered- why not just wear white socks? Chickens!
Of course you're thinking," They're at her other house!" Yes, I thought of that-so everytime we go up I make a mental note to look at my socks and jewelry when I get there and see if any singles there match any singles here. Sort of like match dot com for accessories.Hmm there's thought. Anyway once I get there I can't remember what is missing so I bring home anything I have only one of and discover- yippee- I still only have one of them it's just in a different house!
Perhaps the answer is to make a list before I go. However being list impaired is another of my many issues(oh like you don't have any). I would never remember to bring the list with me.
There is hope for me though. Last time we went to NY I lost an entire bag of matching jewelry!
I've decided it's easier to have none than one(this may apply to children and animals as well).
Speaking of animals ,YC says there's a dead vole in the livingroom(Thanks Frank the cat!).I'd better go see if it's wearing one of my gold hoops.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Momentary Lapse of Reason
THERE ARE DIRTBIKES IN MY YARD !
Those of you who know me also know that I previously stated vehemently(and apparently hipocritically) that this would never,NEVER happen. All dirtbikes were to remain at the NY house. The lovely,rural,ungardened,cow littered NY house. They could only be ridden in a place where it would be tolerated by the neighbors(mostly) and during certain hours of the day.
It started innocently enough-we were invited to go away with A's family to her brother's cabin in the wilderness of Pa. Here we would be able to ride the bikes on 300 acres of prime dirtbike terrain with actual permission(how 'bout the apples?). Alas,due to circumstances beyond my control that trip did not happen. Now, I'm a caring and thoughtful Mom(in between the yelling and beatings) and I could feel their disappointment and sadness and I of course wanted to fix it(DUH!). Now you also know I'm a complete idiot. In addition to the Autobahn of Exton in the front yard we now have the Exton MX dirt track in the backyard. I will say they are learning many wonderful things at the expense of our grass; physics,mechanical engineering,botany,first aid and cinematography. This is the only way to look at it (ok rationalize it!). Actually, it's pretty cool once you get over the fact that there is a mud ring around the entire yard and jumps built out of compost piles. My method of denial is to only look at my gardens when I look out the window( I was never a big fan of grass anyway) . I also think how well tilled it'll be for reseeding later this fall and how I'm not pulling any weeds from the garden path because they've all been yanked out of the ground by nubby tires. And as a special bonus I remind myself that the police have not yet shown up!See it's all good! The dirtbikes will go back to NY in mid October and while I will be greatful for the quiet and the lawn- I will miss them. I will miss bikes flying through the air both with and without boys on them(don't ask-this maybe where the first aid lessons come in). I will miss boys working together to do something they like and sharing their fun with friends who have never biked. And I will especially miss the inventions like the helmet cam-although I suspect the rabbits and whatever that thing was that popped up from under the bridge was, will be relieved(as will our neighbors) that they are no longer being filmed for posting on Facebook, I for one will be sad to see them go.(OH but go they will- I'm not that delusional!!!)
Those of you who know me also know that I previously stated vehemently(and apparently hipocritically) that this would never,NEVER happen. All dirtbikes were to remain at the NY house. The lovely,rural,ungardened,cow littered NY house. They could only be ridden in a place where it would be tolerated by the neighbors(mostly) and during certain hours of the day.
It started innocently enough-we were invited to go away with A's family to her brother's cabin in the wilderness of Pa. Here we would be able to ride the bikes on 300 acres of prime dirtbike terrain with actual permission(how 'bout the apples?). Alas,due to circumstances beyond my control that trip did not happen. Now, I'm a caring and thoughtful Mom(in between the yelling and beatings) and I could feel their disappointment and sadness and I of course wanted to fix it(DUH!). Now you also know I'm a complete idiot. In addition to the Autobahn of Exton in the front yard we now have the Exton MX dirt track in the backyard. I will say they are learning many wonderful things at the expense of our grass; physics,mechanical engineering,botany,first aid and cinematography. This is the only way to look at it (ok rationalize it!). Actually, it's pretty cool once you get over the fact that there is a mud ring around the entire yard and jumps built out of compost piles. My method of denial is to only look at my gardens when I look out the window( I was never a big fan of grass anyway) . I also think how well tilled it'll be for reseeding later this fall and how I'm not pulling any weeds from the garden path because they've all been yanked out of the ground by nubby tires. And as a special bonus I remind myself that the police have not yet shown up!See it's all good! The dirtbikes will go back to NY in mid October and while I will be greatful for the quiet and the lawn- I will miss them. I will miss bikes flying through the air both with and without boys on them(don't ask-this maybe where the first aid lessons come in). I will miss boys working together to do something they like and sharing their fun with friends who have never biked. And I will especially miss the inventions like the helmet cam-although I suspect the rabbits and whatever that thing was that popped up from under the bridge was, will be relieved(as will our neighbors) that they are no longer being filmed for posting on Facebook, I for one will be sad to see them go.(OH but go they will- I'm not that delusional!!!)
Monday, September 15, 2008
A Bed Full of Change
Wow! I'll take a deep breath and say it again "WOW!"
It has been a really long time since I've sat down to write. I realized I haven't taken the time to write since before we drove out West. I'd love to be able to regale you all with stories of our near calamities and tell you that this was the trip from H E double hockey sticks(and had hockey sticks been brought along it might have not gone quite the same way) but it wasn't. Aside from the post traumatic stress addled Vietnam Vet(who was clearly medicating with Budweiser) that accused EC of setting off the fireworks in the distance an tried to shove the husband (who was being remarkably calm I might add)in to our fire pit, the trip was fabulous. Sure it had compromises like not using the bathroom for at least 10 hrs after YC had innocently said "I'm going to use the bathroom". This was obviously code for "Call the EPA". How one 12 yr old boy can create one of greatest rolling chemical warfare assaults on earth is beyond me. At least we could roll up our windows and shut the bathroom door(ok we HAD to) the natural world was powerless to stop the assault. I'm sure I saw a grown bison drop into a dead faint! My recommendation is if you have someone like this in your family-and you all do -you know you do- USE THE REST STOPS. Just a little unsolicited advice-you're welcome.
The rest of the summer had it's ups and downs. Somehow the downs began to outweigh the ups. Dude I'm about to go all philosophical on you-those of you who prefer the snarky humorous me should probably stop reading now and wait for my next blog-it's ok I understand.
I have spent the last few months going through the motions. I wasn't miserable(most of the time) but I wasn't happy either. I wasn't angry all the time but I was not calm all the time.In fact I wasn't anything. Oh I looked good,did crossword puzzles,fed my family(alright,I confess,only if they asked directly),made time for myself and others,took fun trips and made people laugh but I there was no real joy behind it. I lost track of my soul somewhere. I thought if I just relaxed enough and shirked enough responsibilities in the name of self contemplation I would snap out of it.My family will be more than happy to point out that I did not. I had become all about my needs while simultaneously telling myself I was too busy taking care of everyone else to make time to enjoy things-I was the glue-responsible for holding everything together.I had become one hell of a multitasker for a selfish person. And apparently pretty damn angry, too. To make a long story short(see I know what your thinking)I was away at a retreat and had an epiphany and needed to make some apologies. Now when I told this to my husband on the phone from the venue there was dead silence. Then he said,"An epiphany? What did I do now? Ok you can have the parenting thing,the house -every thing-It's all yours!" I laughed because ,well I could-I wasn't in a house full banshee children,and informed him (much to his relief and confirmed diagnosis of my manic depressive disorder) it was I who owed ALL of them an apology. I immediately heard the weight on his heart fall away(or maybe it was the peanutbutter jar hitting the floor)and in that moment I felt all of my burden go too. Surely the crap will launch at the fan again and surely I will stumble as I dodge it-missing occasionally and not having any paper towels to clean it up with. But what I learned was that God makes the crap into to compost if you wait long enough and if you have the sense to see it something wonderful can grow out of what used to be crap. There you go!
This morning I was changing YC's bed,not just because it needed it(those of you who know YC know that it did) but because I wanted a symbolic fresh start for him. I did this for all of us. But when I pulled back the covers to take the sheets off his bed it was his full of loose change. A BED FULL OF CHANGE! So today I've chosen to see this as a sign from God, a profound metaphor for the change that needed to happen in my own life( No I did not keep the loot-I put it in his piggy bank- what kind of person do you think I am?). Since I know alot people I care about are also having a hard time right now-clearly no one got the memo about not all going crazy at once-I though I would share my thoughts in case it helped. Remember God is always there knocking we just need to ask him in.
COMING TOMORROW:
Do we really want US NEWS and World Report telling us how to keep the passion alive?
For real people how twisted is that?
It has been a really long time since I've sat down to write. I realized I haven't taken the time to write since before we drove out West. I'd love to be able to regale you all with stories of our near calamities and tell you that this was the trip from H E double hockey sticks(and had hockey sticks been brought along it might have not gone quite the same way) but it wasn't. Aside from the post traumatic stress addled Vietnam Vet(who was clearly medicating with Budweiser) that accused EC of setting off the fireworks in the distance an tried to shove the husband (who was being remarkably calm I might add)in to our fire pit, the trip was fabulous. Sure it had compromises like not using the bathroom for at least 10 hrs after YC had innocently said "I'm going to use the bathroom". This was obviously code for "Call the EPA". How one 12 yr old boy can create one of greatest rolling chemical warfare assaults on earth is beyond me. At least we could roll up our windows and shut the bathroom door(ok we HAD to) the natural world was powerless to stop the assault. I'm sure I saw a grown bison drop into a dead faint! My recommendation is if you have someone like this in your family-and you all do -you know you do- USE THE REST STOPS. Just a little unsolicited advice-you're welcome.
The rest of the summer had it's ups and downs. Somehow the downs began to outweigh the ups. Dude I'm about to go all philosophical on you-those of you who prefer the snarky humorous me should probably stop reading now and wait for my next blog-it's ok I understand.
I have spent the last few months going through the motions. I wasn't miserable(most of the time) but I wasn't happy either. I wasn't angry all the time but I was not calm all the time.In fact I wasn't anything. Oh I looked good,did crossword puzzles,fed my family(alright,I confess,only if they asked directly),made time for myself and others,took fun trips and made people laugh but I there was no real joy behind it. I lost track of my soul somewhere. I thought if I just relaxed enough and shirked enough responsibilities in the name of self contemplation I would snap out of it.My family will be more than happy to point out that I did not. I had become all about my needs while simultaneously telling myself I was too busy taking care of everyone else to make time to enjoy things-I was the glue-responsible for holding everything together.I had become one hell of a multitasker for a selfish person. And apparently pretty damn angry, too. To make a long story short(see I know what your thinking)I was away at a retreat and had an epiphany and needed to make some apologies. Now when I told this to my husband on the phone from the venue there was dead silence. Then he said,"An epiphany? What did I do now? Ok you can have the parenting thing,the house -every thing-It's all yours!" I laughed because ,well I could-I wasn't in a house full banshee children,and informed him (much to his relief and confirmed diagnosis of my manic depressive disorder) it was I who owed ALL of them an apology. I immediately heard the weight on his heart fall away(or maybe it was the peanutbutter jar hitting the floor)and in that moment I felt all of my burden go too. Surely the crap will launch at the fan again and surely I will stumble as I dodge it-missing occasionally and not having any paper towels to clean it up with. But what I learned was that God makes the crap into to compost if you wait long enough and if you have the sense to see it something wonderful can grow out of what used to be crap. There you go!
This morning I was changing YC's bed,not just because it needed it(those of you who know YC know that it did) but because I wanted a symbolic fresh start for him. I did this for all of us. But when I pulled back the covers to take the sheets off his bed it was his full of loose change. A BED FULL OF CHANGE! So today I've chosen to see this as a sign from God, a profound metaphor for the change that needed to happen in my own life( No I did not keep the loot-I put it in his piggy bank- what kind of person do you think I am?). Since I know alot people I care about are also having a hard time right now-clearly no one got the memo about not all going crazy at once-I though I would share my thoughts in case it helped. Remember God is always there knocking we just need to ask him in.
COMING TOMORROW:
Do we really want US NEWS and World Report telling us how to keep the passion alive?
For real people how twisted is that?
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