A Bed Full of Change

Wow! I'll take a deep breath and say it again "WOW!"
It has been a really long time since I've sat down to write. I realized I haven't taken the time to write since before we drove out West. I'd love to be able to regale you all with stories of our near calamities and tell you that this was the trip from H E double hockey sticks(and had hockey sticks been brought along it might have not gone quite the same way) but it wasn't. Aside from the post traumatic stress addled Vietnam Vet(who was clearly medicating with Budweiser) that accused EC of setting off the fireworks in the distance an tried to shove the husband (who was being remarkably calm I might add)in to our fire pit, the trip was fabulous. Sure it had compromises like not using the bathroom for at least 10 hrs after YC had innocently said "I'm going to use the bathroom". This was obviously code for "Call the EPA". How one 12 yr old boy can create one of greatest rolling chemical warfare assaults on earth is beyond me. At least we could roll up our windows and shut the bathroom door(ok we HAD to) the natural world was powerless to stop the assault. I'm sure I saw a grown bison drop into a dead faint! My recommendation is if you have someone like this in your family-and you all do -you know you do- USE THE REST STOPS. Just a little unsolicited advice-you're welcome.
The rest of the summer had it's ups and downs. Somehow the downs began to outweigh the ups. Dude I'm about to go all philosophical on you-those of you who prefer the snarky humorous me should probably stop reading now and wait for my next blog-it's ok I understand.
I have spent the last few months going through the motions. I wasn't miserable(most of the time) but I wasn't happy either. I wasn't angry all the time but I was not calm all the time.In fact I wasn't anything. Oh I looked good,did crossword puzzles,fed my family(alright,I confess,only if they asked directly),made time for myself and others,took fun trips and made people laugh but I there was no real joy behind it. I lost track of my soul somewhere. I thought if I just relaxed enough and shirked enough responsibilities in the name of self contemplation I would snap out of it.My family will be more than happy to point out that I did not. I had become all about my needs while simultaneously telling myself I was too busy taking care of everyone else to make time to enjoy things-I was the glue-responsible for holding everything together.I had become one hell of a multitasker for a selfish person. And apparently pretty damn angry, too. To make a long story short(see I know what your thinking)I was away at a retreat and had an epiphany and needed to make some apologies. Now when I told this to my husband on the phone from the venue there was dead silence. Then he said,"An epiphany? What did I do now? Ok you can have the parenting thing,the house -every thing-It's all yours!" I laughed because ,well I could-I wasn't in a house full banshee children,and informed him (much to his relief and confirmed diagnosis of my manic depressive disorder) it was I who owed ALL of them an apology. I immediately heard the weight on his heart fall away(or maybe it was the peanutbutter jar hitting the floor)and in that moment I felt all of my burden go too. Surely the crap will launch at the fan again and surely I will stumble as I dodge it-missing occasionally and not having any paper towels to clean it up with. But what I learned was that God makes the crap into to compost if you wait long enough and if you have the sense to see it something wonderful can grow out of what used to be crap. There you go!
This morning I was changing YC's bed,not just because it needed it(those of you who know YC know that it did) but because I wanted a symbolic fresh start for him. I did this for all of us. But when I pulled back the covers to take the sheets off his bed it was his full of loose change. A BED FULL OF CHANGE! So today I've chosen to see this as a sign from God, a profound metaphor for the change that needed to happen in my own life( No I did not keep the loot-I put it in his piggy bank- what kind of person do you think I am?). Since I know alot people I care about are also having a hard time right now-clearly no one got the memo about not all going crazy at once-I though I would share my thoughts in case it helped. Remember God is always there knocking we just need to ask him in.

COMING TOMORROW:
Do we really want US NEWS and World Report telling us how to keep the passion alive?
For real people how twisted is that?